Why I'm here...

This question "Why am I here?" was asked today in chapel at my university. And almost instantly I came up with an answer: To get where I'm going. Then I thought more about it on a theological level and came up with this answer: To get where God is directing me. Wherever he is directing me he'll lead me there. My brother asked me what I would be doing with 4 years of school since Pastors make little money. I simply said but I'm not here to make money. I'm here to do what God wants me to do. I got people I need to save. To which he replied "So God will provide for you huh?" I said yes. It'll be hard sure, maybe, probably, I don't know. But God is there. So I'll figure it out as God leads me along. I know where he is taking me to continue my education (its out of state so its scary) and I didn't before until he revealed it and there you go. So what are you doing? Why are you where you are in your life?

Breaking Walls (original post)

One Night I Dreamed A Dream...

In the middle of my senior year I was having trouble with my grades. I knew that if I didn't get on the ball i wouldn't graduate but I just didn't feel motivated. Well one night I had a dream. I dreamt I walked out onto a balcony overlooking a playground where there were children playing across the great expansive playground. Suddenly, at my side, appeared my Apologetics teacher. He pointed his hand toward one part of the sky and said, "Robert, this is what will happen if you continue to mess around with your friends." Suddenly it was like I was being pulled nto the sky and I went forward only to be stopped by an invisible wall. Then I went forward again, and again. Only to be stopped at the next wall. My teacher then pointed to another part of the sky the opposite way. "This is what will happen if you buckle downa nd do your work while still having your friends." I went forward again and was met with wall after wall overcoming them before coming to a wall that I didn't pass over. Then i found myself, yet again on the balcony overlooking the playground. My teacher walked away and I followed him but not before grabbing a card off of a stack on a table. On this cad was the Biola flower, the insignia of the school I attend.

I tell this story because of the recent and current events in my life. I think I may have encountered the wall I couldn't pass. My father is in the hospital, he had a heart attack. I don't know what to do. For osme reason I feel so lost and scared, something I've never felt before. Usually i trust in God and just let him handle things but...I'm scared I'm goign to lose my Dad. I really am. I suppose the thought of his morality on this plaane never crossed my mind. I don't want to lose him. I feel horrible inside. The weight of my emotions and yet I feel as if I can't talk to anyone. I hate it.