No Pain No Gain: Suffering in Faith

You and i have all heard the expression "no pain no gain" right? Have you ever sat down and considered if this was true? What did you gain when you went through pain? Did you learn perseverance, who you can and cannot depend on? What did you learn? Well recently in my New testament class, we discussed about a passage in James which discusses about suffering for "a season". Well as my professor nicely noted to us about what that season meant. The. rest. Of. Our. Lives. Until we die of course. Then we are free. Truthfully, I'm scared, in the uncertainty of dying. How will it happen, will i suffer, can I get a smile, or a few words out or even some time to go over memories before I go? These plague my head. But despite that I live in faith. I don't want to die, I don't wan tot suffer. No one does. But then now i look back and I consider what Christ, my Lord said: Then he said to them all:

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. ²⁴For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. ²⁵What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?(Matthew 9:23-25)

Yep I decided to pick up my cross and follow Him, and Jesus even warned that there would be "wolves in sheep clothing", and that we'd be "lambs going to the slaughter", and that basically we'd suffer. Sounds great right? I mean at least people would come to us to listen. What's that? they stone us and throw us out of their temples into the street? Well I mean they must obviously see that what we say makes sense right? What they laugh at us? Huh great sounds fun. I am coming to terms with the fact i will suffer, and the meaning of Christ's words that he spoke. I will suffer. So now what? I'm scared. Okay. So what? Turn tail and run? I want to sure, I'm human but what happens? I said I would take up my cross, and follow him, and he'd even said that it wouldn't be easy so why should I be so surprised? I don't think I knew, or just underestimated and didn't take seriously what was said. But when I decided to shoulder my cross I was redya nd willing so much I made what one martyr had said a sort of prayer or dedication for myself to God:

"Lord I am your messenger. Throw me like a blazing torch into the night"-Mary Skobtsova

As I am writing this my heart is spoken to by Christ and I think of the previous words of Him I mentioned: "Take up your cross" I think of Christ speaking of the cross. I mean Jesus was telling us to take up our own cross and follow Him. The very tool of His death that was coming but its not only that. Many of us see the cross as a reminder of our Lord but the cross does not only represent death. Transformation, redeeming grace, and love, these are what the cross represent. <sup>Jesus knew this, that the cross would not always represent death but something else.

20</sup>I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

So I decided to take up my cross. Then I did not understand what I was doing as I prayed for Christ to take me, guide me as I take up my cross. To die to myself, to love Him more than I love even my family, or my friends. I don't do it for myself. No matter how much I think "Yes! Heaven is on its way! I won't suffer, I can praise God for eternity!", I always have the pull in my heart to go out and complete the job my Lord gave my Apostolic Fathers (though originally I desired to say Brothers to portray a more personal relationship with the Apostles and Disciples but I and my friend who I had seeked knowledge from were ignorant in it so as to keep respect I had defaulted to calling them my Fathers) oh so long ago:

¹⁶Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. ¹⁷When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. ¹⁸Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."- Matthew 28:16-20

So what? I suppose I will suffer in my life but even now my heart is grieved that i focus so much on this suffering instead of what I'm supposed to be doing! I suppose I'll understand more as I grow older, as God guides me more, and as I submit more to Christ's will in my life. So as I sit here I noticed this took a complete turn from where it was going and I don't remember where I was going but i think it was a good turn from talking about suffering to talking about doing what is required of me. I do and I do it with a smile and an excitement in my heart. I recommend a book that was given to me by a friend's mother for Christmas, the name of the book being JESUS FREAKS: REVOLUTIONARIES. It is a book containing the stories of martyrs and how even in suffering their faith was not deterred, their affect, and I suppose for a lack of a better word (unless someone may please provide me with one) the lesson or moral learned through the experiences. I have not finished the book but have gone through a rapid succession of pages when I first received it. It though, in fact the sequel to another book entitled MARTYRS. The copy I own of Revolutionaries is a really good book and I do recommend it though it may or may not be your cup of tea. In this writing I want to make something clear. I don't, and do not want to do these things for myself but for God's glory. I don't want to say "Lord give me strength to let me do this" but rather "Lord give me strength so I can do this for you!" I want to rid the selfish feeling for myself and live in the selfless feelings for Christ, I want to die to myself. Not so much becoming spiritually mature but submitting to God's will (this is how my professor of New Testament had put it). Hm. So i suppose the answers are in God, so submitting more gave answers (though simply finding answers should not be the motivation for this but more that we desire it for God's will to be done). So what? We suffer. If I did not suffer would I have known any of this today that I have written? Should I complain as there are those currently suffering, or have died while suffering in agony? I've learned from my suffering. How often do we learn from the good things? Besides if there is anything I can say its this: most of my suffering, guess what? It was my fault! Sure some of it was out of my hands and that I wanted to blame God but that right there shows me that I can't always fix things and that I want to do it my self. But its God's will not my own. So suffering has its benefits and even though we may never accept suffering, and maybe not even fully, God has his purpose, his reasons. So I need to put my faith in God and continue on.

Love is patient, kind, God-Wait what?

A random thought popped into my head during church last week. A friend of mine sitting next to me, had his Bible open to 1 Corinthians 13, the ever so favorite love verses highlighted. How often have we sat and pondered upon this chapter? Sat and wondered what the love we have, could have or will have for a person will be like? I know many times i have. How much of a wonderful feeling it must be! To love someone and for them to love you back! but then a thought came to me. Just a random little flutter that creeped into my brain. What if all this time, the talk of how love is in the chapter hasn't been about loving a wife, a husband, a family member or a brother/sister in the Lord? What if it were none of these but what if the love was for God? What if we have been so self involved thinking of what it means to love someone else and them loving us that we missed it? What if that's the answer? Currently I am reading a book on love, and dating and each time I read it I expect an answer to knowing what love is, how you fall in love, etc. But no each and every time the author has it come down to the same thing: Submit to God's will and love him. Its never about you finding love its about God showing it to you on HIS time. To be honest i have no idea what point I am trying to make here, none at all. Interpret as you will. Could be looking at how you are with God, how much you have submitted to God, or even reading those verses again and thinking on it yourself. I mean you could even say that you should love all of those listed above, of course, but first and foremost God and I think we completely overlook God when we think of Love. We say we love God in worship, chapel, church, when we are being faced with a midterm we didn't study for, etc. But have you ever just prayed or stopped and say "i love you Lord?" or to think of His love for you? To be honest I don't enough. So interpret as you may and I believe you know where to find me in the need of stoning or burning me at the stake. Thank you.