Breaking Walls: Overcoming Trials in God's Will

In truth I had originally meant the title of this chapter to be the title of the book until sitting in church one wednesday I came up with other chapter titles. So here goes nothing...

"Breaking Walls". Its what I call overcoming the trials God sends me when showing/teaching me a lesson. I gave it that name after the invisible walls i encountered in my dream (or vision I should say) with a former teacher of mine, Mr. Trevino. I also see it as me overcoming them or "climbing" and "conquering" these walls. I look back at what God has sent me and what I have learned from them. Recently a man called and tried to get me to come to his university (it was an online school actually). As I was attending Biola I declined, though he was very persistent. I honestly wonder if God was trying to show me to go somewhere else. So I pulled a Jonah and said no and waited for Him to send a big fish after me. But none came. Was this some lesson in being assertive and him revealing something to me? Revealing I'm no super disciple and I'm human like everyone else. I could and do sin like everyone else. Anther thing that came up is my good friend Bryant. Bryant and I have good friend for about four years now. We became especially closer since we discovered our spiritual gifts (if you believe in those) compliment each other (mine being knowledge his being wisdom). Now here's the problem: he is a pot head. Now he claims that smoking Pot helps calm hi smind. Now see I would not have any problem with it except he brings it to my house. My house is only blocks from the police station. So that means added police activity. Well i don't want trouble and I certainly don't want him to be in trouble so I tell him to leave it at home. Well he makes the case that he knows cops and their ways so he's never been caught and has always avoided them. He asks if I trust him. I say yes. I mention it again to him and he says that i don't trust him. i trust him. it's God I don't trust. I don't need to do something that will cause God to make me learn a lesson. Better to be safe than sorry. Now I know this sounds bad that i don't trust God but let me explain. Bryant I can tell his plan because he tells me it. God, doesn't tell me because his plan, His will, is absolute and the Creator doesn't need to tell the creation anythng except that "all things work out for good with God." I know this to be true. I know I should have more faith and trust in God but I was scatrd and afraid. Another issue is my friend Shelly Now see we're a close bunch and when we get together we have fun. But an issue came up last time we had fun. Drinking. None of us are 21 yet. Now usually i wouldn't have a problem except it seems I'm always offered even though I tell them no because I'm not 21 yet and I've never drank before. Plus I find the smell of beer repulsing. Well since I'm uncomfortable with it I decide not to go to a party where no adults will be there. The last issue is something I have trouble with even now. It seems i can't talk to God. I feel blocked off. I don't know it feels as though my heart is avoiding Him for some reason and so is my mind. I don't know why. There's something I am wandering away from. I feel it may have something to do with my now deceased geandmother (God rest her soul). I was cut off from during the time she was sick. And...I just don't know. i feel hopeless. What will I do?

An Explanation...

A lot of time I joke about writing a book on my life. Well I've decided to write a few chapters of that book here. Nothing big really. Just explaining some struggles and things in my life and explanations about them. So Keep watch a take a look you may enjoy them.